He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
