when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
