i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
