So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
