Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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