i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
