I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
