idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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