Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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