Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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