Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
