We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
