That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
