Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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