I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
