i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
