sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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