new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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