Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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