then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
