I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
