Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
