he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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