My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
