I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
