I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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