peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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