no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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