And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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