Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
