no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
