standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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