Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
