Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
