absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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