69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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