If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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