Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
