I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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