and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
