Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
