I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
