Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
