Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
