remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
