well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
