Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
