O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize