I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
