put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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