i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
