If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
