I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
