i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
