I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
