Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
