I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
