Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I didn't notice because vodka
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
