i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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