so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
