I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
