Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
