i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
