I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize