I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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