Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.

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(620): View more from Kansas

My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.

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(631): View more from New York

So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone

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(224): View more from Illinois

You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.

(630): View more from Illinois

Thats like the definition of a good friend

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(757): View more from Virginia

he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.

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(312): View more from Illinois

That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.

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