VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
