I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Panties = found
Randomize
