The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
