just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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