Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
