I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
