Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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