woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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