The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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