I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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