A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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