Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
