Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
